well yesterday , there was the grading in my father school . We all got yellow belts , the hall was packed with both the kids and the adults training together. I was trying to hold it together since I felt really tired and drained , still feel that way right now. Right now I wanna go to sleep , I want to say forever but thats dangerous thinking if you get my drift.
I guess the last two days , has made me stand out from my family members. With the dog dying and everything and guess what my father is planning to buy a new puppy. I'm thinking WTF , the dog just died and your like thinking of buying a new one but oh well , they say I have a cold heart about my father is already planning a replacement.
I guess whats hurt me the last two days is my fathers tactless comments on how 'I don't give a shit, about the dog' . When , my father says comments like that it makes me question how would I react with a person I knew died. 'Would I react the same way?'
The funny is sometimes I laugh when I see someone dying in one of those movies. I don't really laugh when people are all laughing at a joke together , I'm like the only one not laughing. I don't know , what to think . I guess I was waiting for my father to say 'its ok , the react that way' or 'I don't judge you'
The Greatest is Love
3 years ago
1 comment:
well I hope you got to get a few good hit on your fatherwhile sparring:)
I can totally relate to the sleeping forever, Im about to try an sleep again. hopefully for more than 2 hr. and laughing at dying scenes, well i only did that at violent bad guy deaths. Otherwise I just got bored, like watching a sad touching movie or scene was like watching paint dry.
Now I getting all choked and and sometimes crying at stupid shit, ofc sad parts, but happy things too. All this time shutting down mentally, has exploded. Next time I shut them off, they stay off. Im sure I will never forget what love and pain feels like.
Depending on how you think of life and death will dictate how you react to a friend or family dies. watching it plenty of times myself. I was sad they are gone, but I know they are somewhere and the pains of this life is over for them. replacing the dog, I can only see it as a replacement , your living your life, your siblings and mother are busy, a dog is always happy to see father. its a type of security emotionally.
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