the picture that describes me

This is an image from bleach , a manga created by tite kube. Quite a popular manga in Japan but I thought that is the best comparsion I can do describing me.

So this is the main character who is called.... Ichigo , his a shinigami translated to reaper in english. In the series he finds he has and him which is a hollow , like his own devil twin.

Which he fond hard to co-exist with at first but fond a way to harness the power of the hollow inside of him. I relate to him a lot since in the series he struggles alot and his constantly fighting for peace.

having a crisis of confidence

I have to admitt that getting my maths result has knocked my confidence a bit , since I feel i'am almost there in reaching my goal but have to settle for 'almost there'. I guess when people ask , I will have to laugh it off.

But I have decided that no matter what happens will make learning a permanet fixture in life untill it becomes totally second nature. My big dream is to go to University and obviously I need a C grade to show I have an average understanding of maths.

dddddddddddddddd

well got my gcse's result of maths on foundation paper got a d , which is a bumer but the story is this is my second time doing the test . Well last time i got an E , so i guess its an improvement so i'am not going to give up and try again. Because when i pass maths that means i would have a complete set of 9 gcse's . Since maths was the only subject i failed , but the thing is its going to be hard responding when people who supported my maths studies ask how it went.

To carry on fighting...

well.. I'am in mist of an internal battle of myself , where two parts of me are wedging a war to see whether they can co-exist together. Or one will demolish the other , its hard since the war is an silent war . I make it silent so innocent bystanders like my father won't get hurt.

But on the other make father is going through a stress related depression , where circumstances in life has made him depressed. He is very open about feeling depressed but I find it sucks sometimes since he lets get the best of him. Where I'am continuelly active talking , trying to incage with life.

But I'am worried , when my dearest father gets like this he doesn't eat properly . So , its like I'am not public about my internal battle but my father is.

Japanese drama you should see..

Koishite Akuma - The loving demon

Ruka has yet to mature into a full-fledged vampire. His canines have yet to fully develop, which means he still hasn't tasted human blood — or, at least, human blood that he's drawn himself. In order to get him prepared, he is cast down into the world of humans, where he boards with Jiro, the owner of a Chinese restaurant, and enrolls in high school. His homeroom teacher is a cheerful, though meddlesome, young woman who catches the fledgling bloodsucker off-guard. Is he actually falling in love with a mortal?

This drama is so romantic , I guess the whole vampire craze has also taken Japan but I recommend anyone to this drama.

90% of the time inside

Summer holidays are almost finished , but in that time I' have spent most of the time inside the house.
I think I'am going a little nuts just staying in the house ... Well , I have no where to go and two friends that don't go any where themselves or there just get grounded.

So , I'am a bit pumped going back to college but to be honest , there's one result I'am scared of getting back my maths results . SInce I had redo the test by studying again for 6 months but I think I need stay positive because I spent 6 months studying at college and at home. I get the results next wednesday , so its the anticipation is what I hate , it makes me edgy . REALLY EDGY.

Since if I get the results of maths , saying that I passed this gives me a clean slate for next term . This is something I really REALLY REALLY want , since passing maths will like getting over the past some how.

The mixed martial arts , I practice

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Slhs6KNuMv4

I have practiced karate for 10 years in the past , my sensei is always my father . Right my father is now teaching a new method of martial . Which is similar to the fighting in batman begins , for any one who wants to see just copy and paste the weblink of the video from youtube.

Its only been about four months since I took up again martial arts , but its been chanllenging learning this new method. Also training again as an young adult is harder than when you were just a kid , since I had get used moving all my limbs again but I guess now with a more different mentality you don't thing its a martial arts movie . Where you train for some big tournament and have a climatic fight scene , where your crowned champion.

Hell , no I see at my age and level of condition that won't happen any time soon. I guess , I ' am being realistic knowing in this day and age things like that don't happen.

Some times to hard to keep composure

Its sometimes hard to keep this composure , I have since I have been know to suffer from dark moods where it completly switches for me from happy bunny ichigo to dark reaper ichigo.

You know for people who can relate , when you suffer from it you have to majority of the time work hard to remain composed since sometimes the dark moods hurts your loved ones even more than you. Also its like you have to look after the other person feelings than yours.
Funny world right?

But on a brighter note did mixed martial arts training today , it some thing I have been doing for some time since I was young.

So tomorrows post will be about the mixed martial arts training I do and its connection to batman begins the movie.

So sweet dreams lovies...

Working too hard ???

Well today I had a doctors appointment to see why I wasn't ovulating , but I found out I was simply working too hard in the gym . I guess I find that hard to believe since I must have some really low body fat for me to stop ovulating.

I guess the questions I have to ask myself is ' Do I recognise my weight loss I have had?' or ' Does my mind need to catch up with my body?'

Well I'am looking for a time where I'am happy with my training , but I guess it will take another six months before I find that i'am ok with the results.

I know logically to get to the condition I want is got to take another year. By the time then I will be a fit , athlete doctor. Since I know no one wants to reach twenty and look at the body and say ' oh , god how did I let myself go?'

Manga series that I'll be sad to see end

Well , I'll be sad to see xxxholic a manga series by clamp . End since its such a good story where I can relate a lot to the man guy Watanuki kimihiro , where he see's spirits but lives alone since his parents died so he lives alone in his apartment .

So one day he walks by this street where his drawn to this shop , where he goes inside and meets a woman caled yuko-san that she's a time witch which she can grant wishes. But there's a price that person asking the wish they have to pay a price depending on what yuko-san asks for.
As the series processes watanuki finds he needs to work for yuko- san that have his wish granted of not able to see spirits any more.

The manga is funny but has serious tones to it like watanuki learning to value himself since he has been alone for a long time . That he finds that the actions he does that endangers himself make other people who care about him worried.


I guess in my case I find it hard to think of how other people see me , since I don't really think other people apart for my father who care's about me. So, reading the manga has made me see things in a new prospective on how we form bonds with people and how those bonds effect us even if think that we haven't made an impact on the other persons life.

Whether mothers are that important

Well , lol i guess thats how i start of with 'well' but 'oh well.

Ok my question is are mothers that important since my mother has never been that much of an important role in my life. I guess is that she's psychologically flawed that she hasn't past the parenting age of 5 to 10 year old's . So she is forever stuck in that phase so in her eyes 'i'am forever her little girl' which in other maybe sweet but she takes that literally where that's how she will forever see me.

So I have pretty much have haven't had a mother for 10 years and going , of course 10 years is a long time so I don't care anymore .

about me

well hi,

I'am new to blogging so bear with me a bit while i get used to it. so the first post will be an introduction about me , my life and chronicles of my descions i make.

Well , i'am 17 years old and will turn 18 in october the second . Even through i'am young i have lived a lot and experince things that not every 17 year has experinced . So if i was going to describe my personality it would like i'am sweet but can give out spikes out the same time if that makes sense , like the expression my father likes to say 'ichigo , you give one of sugar and one of salt'

Currently , i'am at college studying forensic science just finshed my first year and have my second year left. So my ultimate goal is to get a title as an doctor of any sort. I guess the reason I want to start this blog is for me since sometimes I need to articulate alot of things through writing or talking.

I guess it would nice if other people followed my story ....... to be continued