Blooming

Hi there , well my beloved and I made up ...
Smiles there , we had a very honest talk. Which thankly cleared up the air.
Well it looks like summers here since I see all the trees are blooming , I kind of feel like I'am blooming as well.

Ever since my beloved and I had that talk it felt like it has given me that freedom to feel human and the freedom in wanting. It like for so long , I have kept this intense control over my emotions since I was so afraid that if I just let myself 'feel' I would be back where I was four years ago. But through my converstation with my beloved , I found that I don't need to have this intense control since I have developed the mental skills needed to 'feel' and this was something I didn't have all those years ago.

In torment

Not doing so good at the moment , my beloved and I got into a tiff. He going on about how his going to let his beard grow and that he doesn't about my opinion regarding that and that his tired of trying to make people happy. That his looking at dating sites , about trying to find some one else to date , don't really know whether his bluffing or telling the truth. But , with him when we get into disagreements like this ; its like playing a game of chicken. Which one will gave first and beg for forgiveness.

But the trouble is , I here literally banging my head against the wall. Being unable to take this mental torture anymore. Trying my hardest not to overeat on food , which I think I'am successfully avoiding.

I really can't this anymore, he just doesn't realize the affect his words have on me. Where his rejection and critical words leave me in torment and contemplating suicide. I know it sounds dramatic but his the only person I can turn to.

To top it all of, tomorrow at 11:20am I have to go to the doctors to about starting the pill. This whole pill business , is new to me and since I haven't had me period for over a year now I wonder how this will affect me , when I start taking the pill.

I'm still alive

Hello, I'm alive or a least I think I'am
The end of the two week Easter holidays are coming to a close and I feel these two weeks I have had a chance to reflect and come to some realization about some choices I have made. I have recently stopped ignoring my hormonal disorder, which my means my fertility is really dodgy. Since I haven't a period in 1 year and 3 months , plus I get bad outbreaks of acne and hirutism (excess body hair).

Pretty much my condition , which has no cure and can only be managed; means I have unnatural high levels of testosterone in my system. That means I have a bit more masculine features than I like. Well my condition is mild since if I was overweight the symptoms would be more serve , therefore I have my good days and my bad days where I get breakouts of all sorts.
Well after coming back from a doctors appointment last tuesday , I went and bleached (peroxide) my arms since I was fed up with seeing how dark and how much hair was on my arms. I'm happy to say that it worked and the bleached the hair on my arms blonde , which creates the illusion that there isn't any hair on my arms.


However, my condition means that I can't gain weight over five lbs since it means my symptoms would get worse. Which is a bummer.