2010 , bad start maybe good after

Show's 11:46pm just in case you all can't see.


Well happy new year for those spend it somewhere nice.

Well, I can say I spend new years eve watching a my uncle drunk singing karaoke and his drunken state happen to start babbling about my forgotten childhood. Parts about my childhood which I meant to forget but his drunkens made his tongue looser than it already is.

He happened to say how he was the one who helped my mother meet my present father, even in the time when my mother was still living with my biological father. He mention my biological fathers name , which had known but forgotten however, to hear another person say his name makes it real and created a moment where I saw my present father and how in real life we couldn't be father and daughter since I look nothing like him at all.

That just made the night even more painful, in truth I think this so called new year's eve small family get together was only for my father benefit since he ended up drunk as well and was singing. It was most boring and painful night of my life, the of end 2009 was just a reminder of my difference with my fathers family and how it felt like I was odd one out of this picture.

Even my uncle went on to say he had photos my birthdays before my father came in to my life , that cut me deeply it was like he was saying to me even more how my present father wasn't mine since the early photos would have shown he wasn't in the start of my life. Its like we all happened to say HAPPY NEW YEAR with great fakeness about it like we could easily forget things that were said. I think for once I wanted my father to squirm to see how the injustice had been done to me and I was trying my best 'get over it' and show 'I was just fine'.

But, it pained me hear my father say 'I'm sorry' to me. As he knew that the things said to me shook me greatly inside even through I didn't look it , my father just knew that my silence and fake smiles were already warnings enough to show I had been shooken up greatly. Also, my anger showed through alittle all I said was 'there is nothing to be sorry about' , that comment made my father suprised and maybe a little as he was trying to apologise while I want him to verbally say why he was sorry for. But he just made a motion to show briefly how I looked like and that in a unspoken way he was sorry for having comments said to me that made me feel pain.

Maybe , the start of 2010 has to start with obstacles and then get easy since past new's years was never this hard or painful since it was already a bigger party , bigger house. However, the new year always start good but in the middle gets hard then by end my family and I are like struggling like hell , hanging by a thread.

But 2010 will bring change as I can feel , using my third eye I guess :)
Well on a brigther night I finally lost 1.1lb which I pretty I'am now 129.8lb yeahhhhhhhh