A dream I had when I was five

When I was five I think , I had dream. A dreamed I was dead and I was an angel with huge white wings. I dreamed I was crying that my mother couldn't see me since I was in the place where all spirits stay with they don't move on. That I was in the old flat where I used to live and mother was walking around going through the walls screaming desperately for her to hear me.

What a dream to have so young, I guess that's when I started playing with death. The words 'death, dead , dying' crop up a lot in my life. Whether , I'm seeing the dead or wanting to be dead or just laughing out the notion of death . It seems to be always at the background , the funny thing technically we don't die our energy just gets converted into something else. That's one of the laws of energy learnt that at college.

Well looking back at the dream , I guess a shrink would tell me or 'Ichigo , as a young kid you felt dead to your mother' maybe its true . maybe at some point of my childhood my mother lost a daughter. I look so much like my mother but our personalities couldn't be so different , I remember being small and going into a shop with my mother and shop assistant asking with we were sisters. I guess it might sound very cliche , my non-existent relationship with my mother.

But, it does feel better typing this out. It gives me a chance the properly analysis this better. I guess my mothers behaviour the last three days has given food for thought.