Its been two fucking weeks since I last saw my beloved , his stupid job and my family life are clashing drastically . Which has resorted to us not seeing each other , it feels like I'am going cold turkey off him. I guess he is like a drug to me , he makes me feel nice and loved . But I'am going crazy here , it feels like I'm on a desert island and I'am alone.
Today, I had seriously bad body image.
Its so hard sometimes since I got no one to talk to , no one of which I can have an intelligent conversation with. All , I got is my mother telling me at lunch 'are you ok?' and I'm like biting into a piece of bread and not thinking of anything . Then I say 'why?' since I never get why shes ask's the same fucking question when we are with out my father present on the table.
She's like 'well you never talk or say anything , you just stay quiet there' in my head I'm like 'well , I'm fucking eating here and I don't particularly have anything to talk about with you'
My dear sister the only ten but a lot common sense than my mother , chimes in and says 'well , she's quiet since she's concentrating on eating'
Since when I eat in the table I have the habit of just eating and when I finish I talk then. But, Mother seriously , she just doesn't get it if I do want to talk I'll choose to talk and I'll guarantee she won't be the first person I go to.
Right now , I'm just so tired of this shit. I really want to start learning ballet so I get meet new people and get out from my social anxiety I have . Ever since as far as I could remember I had social anxiety as a kid. Scared that people looked at me funny or afraid people would bully me for just looking different. Even now , that fear or paranoia comes but I push it aside since if I let it win . I'll end being 30 years old with many regrets since I was to scared to do anything.
One more thing.. I think I'am coming down with a cold. da da duh.
Oh well.
The Greatest is Love
3 years ago
2 comments:
i get addcted to people to ichigo, I hate meeting anyone and you see where that has put me, so I can understand the social anxiety :(
But once I get comfortable with someone, i never want to leave. and being how I am, looking, if only in my mind, keeps me away from others.
Parents are weird as hell arent they? they teach us not to talk with food in our mouth, then freak out because we arent talking at meal time.
oh coldm hey, go get some ginger root and slice it up and boil it for a few minutes and have a few cups of tea.
I read a post on it not long ago. I remember studying plants and such when I was your age, but forgot it, the good side is that sometimes when I went hiking, i would know a plant and its uses, then come online and research it to confirm. But that was still a long time , b4 i got married.
I knew about ginger but hated the taste so avoided it. and once a few years back when I tried it I became quite ill. right off , my lips tingled and gut numb, then i got hot, but then just vomitted .
The hot swetting is normal, its raises the body temp and is helpful, I just maybe had too much and the tingling was an alergic reaction hense the um sudden removal of breakfast:D
But you love strawberries which are full of vitamin C and thats good too ;)
this is the article i red
http://earlgregtea.blogspot.com/2010/01/defeat-sickness-in-day.html
I had just got a juicer machine and put, if I recall correctly, about 1/3rd of the root you see in with a few other vegetables and drank it, so I could have just had way too much , which caused the violent reaction.
anyways, I hope you get better soon
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