This Wednesday , I go back to college. I'm relieved to go back but anxious since this week I'm gonna to talk to my retarded tutor on why she hasn't sent my university application yet. The deadline for it is January 15th , these four months will be about finishing the second year of my forensic science course. I wanna do biomedical science in university then I can have a foundation of knowledge so I can then move into learning medicine
I kind of have this view of myself as the underdog since lots of people applying to university have done lots of stuff e.g . won awards , help the elderly. While I spent most of my high school year fighting to stay sane. However , while I was doing my application for university I saw my grades on how they looked and there weren't bad mostly A's and B's minus the maths grade since its the only weak area I have. Where my grade was a E then I studied again for 5 months to retake the test hoping to get take C I need but only to be devastated to get a D. All I good was at least its an improvement , I got the result on a Saturday lets just say I didn't handle it well and when my family went to park. I was alone , I went at brought some painkillers and proceeded to take them to get some numbing effect.
But, lucky I got over that and got a new tutor and revised to do the test again last November. They I should get the result in March and honestly I'm a bit cynical about it and prefer to even to not even know the result. But, this has left me determined no matter what happens to improve my maths skills and aim for a higher grade.
Well my mental state at the moment is a bit weird at the moment , haven't been depressed per say however its like I'm keep having thoughts on what kind of destructive things I wanna do to myself. Being in recovery from a mental illness doesn't mean it will go away , I say my mental illness has connection with my abilities as a medium since sometimes the mind can't cope with different types of information being processed through the brain. The brain goes haywire and if haven't got anyone to help you interpet the information , let just say you will go a little fruit loops.
These last two months I have been recieving new information in terms of me remembering more memories of a past life and my soul feeling awake. I guess this has affected my mental state , from what I can workout the thoughtsn I'm having could be due to my soul wanting get out from this vessel which is my body.
The Greatest is Love
3 years ago
1 comment:
thats pretty wild ichigo, the mental state stuff :)
ive been here in brothers business all day wanting to go to the library to get another book on paranormal stuff but wanted to finsh taking the machine apart. good thing is the library is open sundays. im just here looking at stuff ,)
i think you put it perfectly saying the brain is going haywire and fruit loops is a cute term. the painkillers i have arent that good, but then this task im doing is wrecking my back and knee, so it is doing its intended job of minimizing the pain level. i know from trials that if the body is reacting to pain, that the drug effects the appropriate brain cells, whereas if no pain stimulus is presant then its a good high or in your case numbness.
the doctor intentionally gave me only 90 pills which isnt terminal nor is the antibiotics. but half of me still wants to live so im not planning on trying more sleeping pills.
regarding your studies, just practice doing math sometimes when your bored.
oh btw, do you play chess? I noticed that in your photo. i use to play years ago.
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