Playing hooky

I was so tired last night, I was downstairs in the sitting with my father downstairs with my siblings. I was there slumped on the couch , feeling so drained and zone out , I had one shoe on and the other off in addition I was half asleep. My father looked at me said 'oh, god you look really tired darling'

I slowly turned my head with my eyes half open and said 'I don't want to go to college tomorrow', he said 'what?' , I repeated 'I don't want to go to college tomorrow , I'am so burn out'

He looked sympathetic and said 'if you have nothing urgent to do tomorrow , stay home' .

I let out a sight of relief , I thought 'Thank god'

Prior to that I was trying to psych myself mentally to get to college today but the thought of going today made my wanna cry.

So I spent the day today just getting an extra hours sleep and doing things at a slower rate but I did feel extremely guilty for not going . Felt like I was being lazy and was like questioning whether I worked hard enough to deserve a day off....

I guess my need to feel like I earned things is quite strong since in the past my parents would tell me I was spoiled and had everything a little kid would want. Of course things are different now but I feel like I'm forever trying break that image of younger spoiled me away and trying to mold a hard working person , who worked hard enough to deserve things and privileges.