the feeling of not being here

Today , I went to college and found out we start the first lesson on wednesday , the managment in that college sucks but 'oh , well' what can I do.

Well , as the days pass , lately I have been feeling disconnected from my surroundings . Its weird its like I'am siting or standing with people and there all talking. It just feels like I'am there but just not present. Its weird , when I think my 18th birthday is coming and I think I should have some goals of how I want to spend my adult years . Like getting married , having children but I don't want any of that . I know people might say 'well , you're still young , still have time ' but really , I mean what I say , I don't want any of that . Not even children , so I guess what does that say about me .

I feel like , I'am here to do something more than be average , I guess I'am saying if going to spend my present life doing something . It might aswell be , something amazing since I see getting married as being stuck in one frame of mind . Where as a female you make that decision that stay in one place , and look after your offspring .

I'm sorry but I can't do that , may be I'am just too vain