My heart

I guess you all know the saying 'you wear your heart on your sleeve' .

I wear mine on my chest , its a locket I have worn and kept since high school. Its like my only way showing my love for my beloved in public .

People often talk about who's inside there heart or what do they treasure the most. Some say, family others say 'my car' but in reality there has been one thing I hold on to dear life to. My 'beloved' , others things like material possessions or even my siblings go as dust in the wind.

He is truly the only person that I have emotional attachment to. Its sad , that these days he has been busy , it does feel like a piece of my soul has been missing. I don't how I can describe it but the more we are apart the more , I descend playing with my old friend madness.

These days , I have been developing strange habits like fidgeting , scratching my head a bit too much and feeling like one minute I can stake away the whole night. To feeling like I'm a lump that can't get up , sometimes I feel like it becomes a little in manageable but mostly I can control it but the most annoying one is when I have a million thoughts in my head . Where I'm remembering embarrassing things I have done in the past , then these this voice telling me 'how stupid , I'm for doing . How I'm still the same person as always . That I'll never change and that should die .

It takes all my willpower tell these voices to shut up, sometimes I catch myself saying out loud what the voices are saying. I guess some people are lucky they get a diagnose , what I get is just more paranoia.